Seeing clearly
It can be surprisingly difficult to see clearly, even in the simplest and most mundane circumstances. Here’s an example.
I have built a collection of pens. It includes a bunch of fountain pens, gel pens, fineliners, ballpoint pens, highlighters, and markers.
I’m always experimenting with new pens. I’ll see one that has an interesting design or claims a fancy new feature and want to try it out.
Such was the case with the Pilot Acroball.
The Pilot Acroball uses ink that is specially designed to blend the benefits of ballpoint (smudge resistance, quick drying) and gel pens (bold, vibrant color).
The Acroball comes in multiple variations, from disposable (though refillable) plastic barrel options to the sleek, premium metal barrel Acroball 1000. You can also get them with various color inks.
I have a few of the plastic barrel Acroballs and these have a tread-like textured rubber grip. At first I liked this a lot.
Then I noticed something weird. My fingers seemed to stick to the grip. It felt tacky. My fingers felt like they had some kind of residue on them afterward.
This was clearly an unpleasant feeling and I didn’t like it.
The funny thing is, though, that I kept using the pens on and off for quite some time.
I would put them aside for a while, then try again.
I was questioning myself in a way. Is that tacky sensation real? Why would it be like that? It must just be me... these pens would be awesome if only it weren’t for this... so maybe this just doesn’t actually exist?
Though the bottom line was clear—I didn’t like the experience of using these pens—it took a lot of hemming and hawing, back and forth, and internal dialogue to just stop using them. I had to convince myself that my obvious preference was real.
This was a low stakes decision. I have plenty of pens and these ones did not represent a big financial investment. They were literally disposable pens. Had they disappeared of their own accord at any point I would not have minded.
But something about actively choosing to let go of the idea of what they could be, and instead pay attention to what they actually were, was very difficult. The imaginary future is alluring.